You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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