p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Randomize
