so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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