VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize