like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
