So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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