My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
