My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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