I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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