Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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