I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
