you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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