You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
