she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Best friends brother. Beat that.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Can I color on your dick again?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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