Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
