This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
