dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
