I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
