The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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