my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
