I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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