i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
