you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
