i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
