Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
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