i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
this just has baby written all over it
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
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