I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
