Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
