I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
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