it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
