he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
