i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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