Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
