did you get engaged???
my mouth tastes like poor choices
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Use "feeling words"
Yay
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize