Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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