It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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