i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
