Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Sext me about skeletons
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
