Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
