Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
