she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
