I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
