tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
