i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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