Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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