i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
