I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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