Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
