He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Every concussion has its silver lining
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize