Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
