if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
