physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Randomize
