I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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