If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
