I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
