i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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