when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She bit a glass in half.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
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