I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
So many bounce houses so little time
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
