apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
