I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
