Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i drank out of a bidet.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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