Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
